-by Natalie Varrone, LPCC-
I know many people who are extremely giving. They spend most of their free time and energy focusing on and helping others. Their thoughts are consumed with thinking of how they could be of assistance to people in need and bettering others’ lives. They are others-focused. Of course, these are beautiful qualities. However, in this writing, I would like to encourage one of the less obvious ways of helping others. Namely, by focusing on our own emotional and spiritual self-growth and maturity.
Every person’s life affects others. Every individual struggle, sin, and mental health concern affects the people closest to us. We do not live alone on an island; our lives are constantly touching and having an impact on each other. Everything about us will influence those we love. There is no avoiding this…unless you move alone to that island.
One criterion for almost all mental health disorders is that an individual’s symptoms have had a negative impact on his or her relationships. Therefore, as a counselor, I constantly see how an individual’s mental health or personal flaws affect their loved ones. Negative moods, a pessimistic attitude, and withdrawal are all contagious. A lack of communication skills, difficulty understanding emotions, or conflict resolution issues will inevitably hurt relationships. Difficulties with setting boundaries and being assertive will leave people who would be protected by those healthy boundaries unprotected and vulnerable. The list could go on to demonstrate that one’s personal struggles have ripple effects on those around them.
Even with the best efforts, depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders can be extremely difficult to battle, to no fault of the individual battling them. But if we become people who never practice self-growth, there is an extra burden that will be placed on the people in our lives. I have found that a determining factor is one of humility and pride. The humble work on their deficiencies; the proud do not. Participating in the humility of acknowledging our weaknesses and having the courage to face them is a selfless endeavor. It takes hard work and involves emotional pain to confront our unpleasant qualities.
Working on yourself to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to others. These three are all extremely connected. If you are unwilling to address your personal struggles for yourself, do it for those you love most. I guarantee they will notice and be grateful for the change. Taking time to go to therapy, spending time in God’s word to be sanctified, or talking to friends to hold you accountable are all invaluable. Stop putting off focusing on your growth areas. Humble yourself to examine where you need improvement. We all have weaknesses and temptations to work on, whether they can be classified as mental health or not. You are delaying the positive effects of your own growth and the positive outflow to the people in your life. God’s will for us is to be pruned, sanctified, and become more and more conformed to the image of Christ. That sounds like working on ourselves to me.
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