Sammy Davis sang “I gotta be me!” Frank Sinatra crooned “I did it my way.” In Hamlet Shakespeare wrote “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” Was he right?
Contemporary culture tells you to become unbound from anyone who tells you how you should live, how you should think, or what standard you should conform to. Nothing should hold you back from who you think you are or want to be. I recently saw a commercial called, “Finish Line.” It was a video portraying a man courageously finishing a race long after all the other contestants were through. The message was “believe in yourself.” What greater thing can a person believe than him or herself?
Many people enter into counseling because they believe they have lost themselves. Often I will hear a person say, “I don’t know who I am anymore and I’ve got to find myself.” Or someone will say, “I’ve always done what others have told me I should do, but I’m not sure I’ve ever asked what I want to do.”
My Grandfather was free to be himself. The self he had been was a father to five children and a husband to a wife who was ill. He didn’t believe those roles were consistent with his true nature, so he left his wife to die, and four of his kids grew up in an orphanage. He had to be true to himself, enjoying sexual and sensual pleasure as a single man. But I have wondered if he was actually true to himself. Or did he give into a false self, one that was more comfortable but far from his authentic nature?
How do I know that what I intuit about myself is trustworthy? Is good?
At my best, am I trustworthy? Is self-awareness the best guide to discovering who I am? Is there ever a time to look outside myself, at another frame of reference, to discover what is truly good for me? Do I ever need to consider that what I intuit as being good for me is actually bad for myself and for others?
Do I need to consider a greater good exists beyond my what feels right to me? Can a greater good exist, one beyond my own self fulfillment, one beyond that which I can conceive? Or is the good limited to only that which my god, the god of self, can understand and determine?
If a child is concerned about right and wrong, about who he or she is, then who can be trusted to give that child accurate, truthful information to help them be on the right path? Or is there no “right” path-only a culturally determined “wrong” path? Make no mistake about it, anyone who counsels you or your child has a belief about the “right” path and will influence you according to your belief. Just as there is no value neutral media, education, or politics, unbiased counseling does not exist. Your counselor has been influenced by someone or something and will be attempting to influence you.
So the question is, are you ever “free to be me” merely through self discovery and awareness? Or will you always be influenced by someone or something who has an agenda for you? Someone like a parent, a church, or a culture.
Who can be trusted to give you the truth about you really are? Who is ultimately trustworthy?
Before Jesus died confusion existed as to who he really was. He asked his disciples:
“’…who do you say I am?’ Simon Peter answered, ‘You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.’ Jesus replied, ‘Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood but by my Father in heaven.’” Mt. 16: 15-17
Who do you trust to tell you who you really are?
Michael Misja
Good article to get you thinking. Growing up I got a lot of mixed messages. My mother was an introvert and she did not understand my need to have friends and to be a leader. I remember at a junior high recognition ceremony I received several rewards and my mother said she was embarrassed that my name was called so many times. I felt hurt. Luckily I had some good teachers who believed in me and encouraged me.
My father never went out unless it was with his friends. He didn’t go to our graduations, plays, or even my brother’s wedding. He died when I was 16. I loved my parents, but it was God and my Christian teachers and pastors who helped me see my identity comes from God and not the approval of others. I don’t want to abuse the freedom the culture gives me to be me and do my own thing. I want to be God’s child and do what pleases Him.