There are different types of clients who we see come into counseling. There are clients who
come and mostly need to process their emotions, to gain support, and to receive guidance. We
focus on surface issues and mild concerns. There are clients who have a specific area of need and
wish to learn skills to help manage it. We focus on learning new information and behavioral
changes. Then, there are clients who come to work on deep issues within themselves, examine
the ugliest parts of who they are and their pasts, and strive to make permanent changes in how
they think, feel, and function as a person. No area of need is left untouched and it’s a no-holds-
barred type of therapy. I love all types of counseling and would never change the variety that it
brings, but this last version is especially my favorite type of counseling.
There is no better analogy that comes to mind to describe this last category than performing
surgery. It is the deepest cutting, most serious and painful of the treatments. It is both the most
life-endangering and life-changing work. The cost and the benefit are both the greatest mentally,
emotionally, and physically. In the moment, it seems counter-intuitive. The person is knowingly
and willfully entering into more pain, in hopes of having less pain and the deepest form of
healing for the future. Like surgery, no one actually wants to do it and definitely doesn’t enjoy it.
It’s for the sole purpose of long-term benefit and health.
I have much respect for people who come into counseling to have surgery. It takes courage to
agree to and there is much anxiety before, during and after the process occurs. In the middle of it,
they might regret starting but know they cannot go back and be the same as before. They’re
entering into the unknown, trusting a doctor or counselor with the process, and what often feels
like their life. They’re trusting that it will be worth the pain that they’re enduring once they get to
the other side.
Sometimes, when people are cut open, we find other issues that need addressed on the inside.
Sometimes surgery takes longer than expected or the illness has spread to other parts that were
otherwise unknown. We are now in the middle of surgery but discover this is going to be a much
longer, painful process than was previously discussed or agreed to. There’s inherent risk in the
decision and a knowledge that it might be worse than was predicted. Every other treatment is
tried first, as surgery is typically the last resort. The healing process can be debilitating in the
short-term and will require others to help as well. But it’s the only way to fully eliminate and
heal the disease.
If you are currently in counseling or ever attend in the future, I would encourage you to agree to
surgery. You have to be ready for it but it’s an awfully exciting and hopeful time for true change.
It is a big cost, big reward kind of deal. You will never work harder, get messier, or be more
vulnerable, but you will also surprise yourself, discover your own bravery, and never be more
proud of the changes that you’ll make. At times, it shocks me how many people will quickly
agree to physical pain (surgery) in the hopes of healing but will avoid emotional pain
(counseling) at all costs. They are the same process. The quality of your life heavily depends on
both. If you dare to undergo the surgery of counseling, it will be well worth the effort that you
will be able to enjoy for the rest of your life!
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